When trying to grow it's easy to stumble more than once and scratch your knees on your way to success, happiness, expansion of consciousness and all that good stuff.

There is certainly some pits to watch out for and here's nine mistakes – in no particular order – that I'd say are very common.

I have certainly made a lot of them. More than once.

If you can, try be observant of your own behaviour and to learn from my mistakes. While we perhaps learn best from our own mistakes there is no reason for you to at least waste a little less time that I and so many others before me have done.

Now, let's go.

1. Thinking you already know everything.

This one is a big problem and can halt growth for a very long time. It's the mindset that says: “I know how the world works. I don't need that snake-oil salesman stuff to improve my life. They have nothing new to offer. Only desperate people need those books to get their life together. It's just common sense.”

This attitude and close-mindedness will make it very difficult for you to grow. When you start reading about personal development from writers such as Anthony Robbins, Brian Tracy or Wayne Dyer you quickly realise that their best advice is not that much common sense at all. In fact, it's often the opposite to the more commonly accepted “truths” that many of us have heard through school, media and other people throughout our lives.

2. Being confused by the marketing hype

The mindset in the first example isn't totally of the mark. There are snake-oil salesmen in every line of business. And since most successful personal development authors/speakers really knows how to communicate there is bound to be perhaps a more than average amount of the high-pressure sales stuff you can read about in books like Influence by Robert Cialdini. Stuff like offering a small free gift to the consumer, saying that there are only 500 copies of the product and that the offer will only be available for one week.

But even though some marketing techniques may seem overly optimistic or kinda aggressive doesn't mean that the products are without value. Don't confuse the sales techniques with the products.

I say, start with trusted names or products that have received great reviews. Do a bit of your own research via google and browse the reviews on amazon before you buy. See what other people think. If you'd like, take a look at this list of my favourite personal development products so far.

3. Not taking action

Thinking that reading a book or blog will automatically transform you and your life. But knowledge without action on your part is not that very transforming. And only you can change yourself. Others can only give a bit of advice, support and motivation. But in the end, you have to take the steps in real life.

Have a look at Don't get stuck in reading for more thoughts on the common affliction of getting stuck in reading a whole lot of personal development books without putting much of the advice into action.

If you have problems taking action, it's often due to fear. Try the first and the second suggestion in this article on overcoming fear. It helped me to get going.

4. Giving up

At the first or third failure thinking “It's no meaning. I am who I am and that can't change. I just have to get used to that thought.” Don't give up. One or five or 20 failures ain't that big of a deal in the long run. You have to fail to get good at something and to grow.

5. Worrying about/listening to what others think

You might fear that people will react in badly to your change.

And they might actually do that.

Perhaps they do not want you to change because then they fear drifting apart and losing you forever. 或許，他們不想你去改變，因?yàn)樗麄兒ε聫拇司蜁?huì)和你疏遠(yuǎn)，最終永遠(yuǎn)失去你。

Or they might not want to see you improve as that will make them feel like they are standing still in life. Or give you unhelpful heap of negative thoughts on personal development and that it's all just common sense, a waste of time and that in real life it doesn't work like in the books.

If you get stuck here it's probably because you need validation from others. Take a look at Why you should not compare yourself to others for some thoughts and practical tips for overcoming or at least reducing this very common problem.

6. Dabbling with it

Dabbling with your personal development and personal growth material on and off. Not committing to studying/action and developing it consistently as a part of your life.

Perhaps you feel it's just too hard. Or just not worth it. And therefore not commit to it.

Is it hard? Yes, sometimes. But I find that growing is overall a lot more positive than negative. And I think that from an outsider's perspective – as someone who hasn't immersed his/herself yet - it often looks as if there is a lot more struggle, time and money invested than when you look at from the inside perspective. Hard work isn't that hard when you feel you are growing and like what you are doing.

Is it worth it? Well, it’s certainly better than the alternative. Just running or drooning around day after day filled with anxiety, stress and a low sense of self expressed in all kinds of direct or indirect ways ain't no fun.

Keys to success with anything in life are consistency and patience. Commit to your personal growth. 想要在生活中取得成功，最關(guān)鍵的是持之以恒和具有耐心。全心全意的投入到你的個(gè)人成長(zhǎng)中。

7. Having unreasonable expectations

This stems from a lack of information. Sometimes both in quality and quantity. When you get you first start you may think that just reading one book will solve all your problems. Not having a reasonable picture of what you can expect will make you feel disappointed and like a failure for no good reason. This can quickly lead to giving up.

To get good results, you need to know things like: you will be enthusiastic in the beginning – as with anything new and exciting - but that enthusiasm will probably dissipate.

That's normal. And when you are prepared for it, when you get to know your emotional weather more closely, it’s gets easier and easier to control. You know that there will be rain. But it won't last forever, even if it might feel so.

One motivating method I use to get out of that low emotional state is to develop an on-going habit of consuming development material, whether it is in the form of a books, blogs, audiotapes or dvds. I'm building my own small library and filling it with solid and practical advice on personal growth. 用來(lái)克服低落情緒的一種激勵(lì)方法是養(yǎng)成一個(gè)持續(xù)的習(xí)慣，不斷的學(xué)習(xí)與發(fā)展相關(guān)的各種材料，不管是書籍、博客，還是磁帶、DVD等。我正在建立自己的小型圖書館，并在里面裝滿各種值得信賴、切合實(shí)際的對(duì)個(gè)人成長(zhǎng)有幫助的建議。

Revisiting to a tape by Brian Tracy not only gets me motivated again but often presents me with ways to solve the problem at hand too. This habit - combined with action - will over time bring clarity to what you want, which methods that work best for you and the possibilities and limitations in your own personal growth.

8. Failing to/not wanting to (at least start to) understand yourself

To change yourself you have to learn about the processes inside yourself. How your emotions work. How you ego works. How you past experiences and habits can affect you. And what you can do about all of that. How you can help yourself. Even when parts of you are working against what you really want.

So I say, don't stick to one guru and to one line of thought. Read/listen to books from a lot of highly regarded authors to broaden your knowledge and number of possible solutions to your problems.

Try to be more conscious. Be aware of what processes are taking place inside you when you become angry, depressed, jealous or envious. Try not to react in the knee-jerk manner you may often do.

Instead, in the moment, apply what you have learned about handling this issue. If you fail to do so – which everyone does a lot, so beat yourself up about it – take some time later to analyse why you felt/did that negative thing. And what you can do about it when it arises the next time.

9. Not taking responsibility for yourself

This is absolutely essential. Don't blame anyone else. It’s up to you to change.

在成長(zhǎng)的過(guò)程中，為了獲得成功、歡樂(lè)、意識(shí)的發(fā)展以及所有向往的美好事物，你往往很容易不止一次的跌倒，劃傷膝蓋。

除此之外，我還要告訴你，必須當(dāng)心那些坑洼，這就是我將要提到的九大遏制你個(gè)人發(fā)展的錯(cuò)誤（不按特定的順序），他們是極其常見(jiàn)的。

就個(gè)人經(jīng)驗(yàn)來(lái)講，我個(gè)人已經(jīng)犯過(guò)很多種上述錯(cuò)誤，而且不止一次的犯同樣的錯(cuò)誤。

如果可以，請(qǐng)你仔細(xì)留意自己的行為，并從我的錯(cuò)誤經(jīng)歷中總結(jié)出教訓(xùn)。這樣，如果我們能夠從自己的錯(cuò)誤經(jīng)歷中去粗取精，那么，你就完全沒(méi)有理由在我乃至其我之前的其他很多人都作過(guò)的事情上浪費(fèi)一丁點(diǎn)兒的時(shí)間了。

那么現(xiàn)在，讓我們開(kāi)始吧。

錯(cuò)誤一：自以為已經(jīng)無(wú)事不曉。

這一個(gè)很大的問(wèn)題，它能很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間阻止你的成長(zhǎng)。這種思維模式是：我了解整個(gè)世界的運(yùn)作，我不需要買騙人的萬(wàn)靈油來(lái)改善我的生活。他們說(shuō)的總是千篇一律。只有無(wú)可救藥的人才需要那些書籍來(lái)讓生活繼續(xù)。這樣的事情都太平常不過(guò)了，不值一提。

這樣消極的生活態(tài)度和狹隘的心靈將使你的成長(zhǎng)變得艱難。當(dāng)你開(kāi)始閱讀一些關(guān)于個(gè)人發(fā)展的書籍，例如，安東尼·羅賓、博恩·崔西或者韋恩·代爾所寫的書籍，你就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)他們的建議并不完全是毫無(wú)意義的；事實(shí)上，他們的建議和那些我們從學(xué)校、媒體和身邊的人們那聽(tīng)到的道理，那些更為常見(jiàn)的“真理”恰恰相反。

錯(cuò)誤二：因夸張的促銷廣告而產(chǎn)生疑惑。

這與第一種錯(cuò)誤心理是完全不一樣的。在各行各業(yè)都有賣“萬(wàn)靈油”的推銷員。當(dāng)最成功的個(gè)人發(fā)展類作家或演講家知道了如何與讀者交流，你就能夠在很多書籍中閱讀到超過(guò)平均水平的。羅伯特·西奧迪尼所著的《影響力》就是其中之一。 或者是，能夠給消費(fèi)者提過(guò)一個(gè)免費(fèi)的小禮品的書籍，例如此類書籍只有500本而且發(fā)行期僅限于一個(gè)星期。

但是即使一些促銷手段看上去過(guò)于樂(lè)觀或者些許帶些冒犯的意味，也并不意味著書籍本省沒(méi)有價(jià)值。不要將促銷手段和書籍的實(shí)際價(jià)值混為一談。

我建議，從那些值得信賴的作家或者受到好評(píng)的書籍開(kāi)始。在google上做一些調(diào)查，在買之前在Amazon網(wǎng)站上查閱評(píng)論�？纯雌渌�人的看法。如果你喜歡，還可以看看目前最受歡迎的個(gè)人成長(zhǎng)類書籍列表。

錯(cuò)誤三：沒(méi)有采取行動(dòng)

認(rèn)為閱讀一本書或?yàn)g覽一個(gè)博客將會(huì)自然而然的改變你和你的生活。但是，心動(dòng)沒(méi)有行動(dòng)并不能如你所愿的產(chǎn)生作用。只有你自己可以改變自己。其他人只能給與一些建議、支持和激勵(lì)。但是最后，你必須在現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中采取行動(dòng)。

可以閱讀一下《不要拼命閱讀》，其中有更多有用的想法。它們可以幫助那些讀遍所有個(gè)人成長(zhǎng)類書籍，卻始終不能將書中的建議加以實(shí)踐的人，讓他們擺脫困擾。

如果你總是不能采取行動(dòng)，那多半是因?yàn)槟愕目謶�。建議嘗試本文章中第一條和第二條的建議，它們對(duì)我很有幫助

錯(cuò)誤四：輕言放棄

第一種或者第三種導(dǎo)致失敗的想法：“這都沒(méi)有意義。我只能是我自己，不能有什么改變。我不能不接受這個(gè)想法。”不要放棄，一次，五次，甚至是二十次的失敗，從長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)來(lái)看，都算不了什么。你不可能總是事事十全十美，即使失敗了，也要繼續(xù)前進(jìn)。

錯(cuò)誤五：害怕或是拒絕吸取別人的想法

你可能會(huì)害怕看到人們對(duì)你的變化作出不好的反應(yīng)。

而且，他們很有可能就會(huì)作出不好的反應(yīng)。

或者，他們可能不想看見(jiàn)你改變，因?yàn)槟菢泳蜁?huì)讓他們感覺(jué)自己在原地不動(dòng)�；蛘�，他們會(huì)給你一些關(guān)于個(gè)人發(fā)展的無(wú)用的、消極的想法，這些都是很正常的，只是在浪費(fèi)時(shí)間，畢竟現(xiàn)實(shí)生活和書里的描述不同。

如果你深陷其中，那可能是因?yàn)槟阈枰�得到別人的認(rèn)可。建議閱讀《為什么你不應(yīng)該把自己比作別人》，這本書對(duì)中極其常見(jiàn)的問(wèn)題很有幫助。

錯(cuò)誤六：淺嘗輒止

對(duì)那些關(guān)于個(gè)人發(fā)展和個(gè)人成長(zhǎng)的書籍，停停看看，看看停停。不用對(duì)學(xué)習(xí)或者行動(dòng)下任何保證，只要把它當(dāng)成你生活的一部分不斷的堅(jiān)持下去。

或許，你覺(jué)得這簡(jiǎn)直是太難了，或者根本就不值得，那么，就不要下決心去做。

很難嗎？是的，有時(shí)候。但是我發(fā)現(xiàn)，在成長(zhǎng)的整個(gè)過(guò)程中，還是積極多過(guò)消極的，而在這個(gè)過(guò)程中，從一個(gè)旁觀者的角度——一個(gè)還沒(méi)有深陷其中的人 ——要比從一個(gè)當(dāng)事人的角度看到更多的掙扎，更多消耗的時(shí)間和金錢。當(dāng)你感覺(jué)到自己的成長(zhǎng)時(shí)，困難也不覺(jué)得那么困難了，甚至喜歡自己正在做的事情。

它值得嗎？當(dāng)然，它肯定比選擇好。整天漫無(wú)目的地跑來(lái)跑去，承受著來(lái)自各個(gè)方面的焦慮、壓力和薄弱的自我表達(dá)感，可不是什么好玩的。

錯(cuò)誤七：懷著不切實(shí)際的期望

這種思想產(chǎn)生于信息的匱乏，有時(shí)候甚至是數(shù)量和質(zhì)量的同時(shí)匱乏。當(dāng)你開(kāi)始關(guān)注自己的個(gè)人成長(zhǎng)時(shí)，你可能會(huì)以為只要閱讀一本書就可以解決所有的問(wèn)題。對(duì)自己能達(dá)到的期望沒(méi)有一個(gè)清醒的預(yù)見(jiàn)，最后只能讓你失望并且感覺(jué)自己失敗的毫無(wú)理由。這樣很快就導(dǎo)致放棄。

為了得到好的結(jié)果，你需要知道: 像那些新鮮且令人興奮的事情，會(huì)讓你一開(kāi)始充滿了熱情，但這片熱情很有可能消失殆盡。

這是很正常。而且當(dāng)你正在為它做準(zhǔn)備時(shí)，當(dāng)你越來(lái)越了解自己的感情天氣，它就會(huì)越來(lái)越容易控制。你會(huì)知道什么時(shí)候會(huì)下雨。但是，它不會(huì)永遠(yuǎn)這樣，即使感覺(jué)上是。

每次聽(tīng)博恩·崔西的磁帶，不僅讓我深受鼓舞，而且還能幫我提供解決問(wèn)題的很多方法。這個(gè)習(xí)慣需要和實(shí)際行動(dòng)結(jié)合起來(lái)，久而久之，你就能了解到什么是自己想要的，什么方法是對(duì)自己最有用的，什么是你成長(zhǎng)過(guò)程中的可能性和限制因素。

錯(cuò)誤八：不了解自己或者是不想去了解自己（至少還沒(méi)有開(kāi)始）

要改變自己，首先必須了解自己。自己的情感是怎么樣的，自己的自我價(jià)值是什么，過(guò)去的經(jīng)歷和習(xí)慣是怎樣影響自己的，還有自己能對(duì)這些有何作為，怎樣幫助自己，甚至自己的某些心理正在跟自己想要的作對(duì)。

因此，不要迷信一個(gè)人的指引，也不要只信守一種思想，而要閱讀不同的書籍，傾聽(tīng)不同的聲音，這樣才能開(kāi)闊你的知識(shí)面，才能更多可以解決問(wèn)題的方法。

努力使自己更理智。當(dāng)你生氣、低落、嫉妒或著羨慕的時(shí)候，留意自己內(nèi)心的變化，盡量使自己不要未加思索的作任何反應(yīng)。

相反，此刻，應(yīng)該將自己所學(xué)到知識(shí)運(yùn)用到待解決的問(wèn)題。如果你失敗了，其實(shí)每個(gè)人都有失敗的經(jīng)歷，那就讓接受失敗。之后，花一些時(shí)間，分析一下自己感覺(jué)到或者是所做的消極的事情，總結(jié)一下經(jīng)驗(yàn)，以便下次在發(fā)生類似情況時(shí)，你能有所準(zhǔn)備。

錯(cuò)誤九：為自己推卸責(zé)任

其實(shí)這是非常重要的。不要責(zé)備其他任何人。重要的是該是你改變的時(shí)候了。