Like everything else in life, getting drunk is something worth learning how to do right. Unfortunately, a lot of what we know about drinking and drunkenness we learned from our friends, while everyone involved was, you guessed it, drunk.

    So let's take a moment to debunk some of these rumors while we're all sober (most of us anyway).

    5."Let Him Sleep it Off"

    This myth probably stems from most people's desire to do as little work as possible while getting shit faced. Basically, the theory is that if someone drinks to the point of passing out, the best option is to toss them in bed and, like magic, they'll be fine after a little sleep.

    The Truth:

    Tossing a friend in bed after they've passed out drunk is a fantastic idea, provided you're hoping your friend drowns in their own vomit. Passing out and falling asleep aren't the same thing.

    Someone who has passed out as a result of alcohol intoxication is unlikely to be awakened by the need to hurl. If they happen to be lying on their back when the spewing starts, the chunks have nowhere to go except into the lungs. Tell Hendrix we say hi!

    What You Should Do Instead:

    Lay them on their side and, between shots of tequila, try to check and make sure they haven't stopped breathing at some point. If their breathing becomes irregular or they start vomiting without waking up, they have alcohol poisoning. Call for help.

    In the morning, they'll thank you for being responsible and taking care of them in their time of need. At least until they see the collage of swastikas and penises you drew on their face and arms.

    4. Drinking Keeps You Warm

    Alcohol makes you think that you sound smart while actually making you objectively dumber. Anyone who's been sober at a bar is familiar with this paradox. But you may not know that it has the same effect on your ability to not freeze to death. Yeah, alcohol's a dick like that.

    The benevolent St. Bernard coming to the aid of a snowbound mountain climber with a warming shot of brandy ... it happened in too many 1950s era cartoons for us to count.

    And you know what? Go take a shot of booze if you have some around (we assume most of our readers do). You feel warmer, right? But just like how that chick you brought Home wasn't nearly as hot as she was the previous night, the same goes for your core body temperature.

    The Truth:

    Alcohol makes you feel warm and turn beet red because it causes your blood vessels to dilate. This brings the blood closer to the surface of your skin, which makes you feel warmer.

    Unfortunately, with the warmth now oozing off the surface of your skin instead of trapped in the core of your body, you're losing precious body heat. The Mythbusters took this on recently and said the same thing (in case you don't want to take our word for it).

    So while sitting in your unheated apartment in the dead of winter pounding vodka might seem like a decent idea, your skin and Russian history are leading you astray.

    What You Should Do Instead:

    If you find yourself stranded at the top of a mountain with a few buddies and a crate of schnapps, you're probably better off ignoring the booze and using each other's body heat for warmth. It's only gay if someone sees you.

    If a St. Bernard does show up with a shot of brandy, feed it the shot and then drape its passed out body over your icy torso.

    3.Taking Aspirin Prior to Drinking Will Prevent Hangovers

    Drinking to the point that you have a hangover the next day is kind of like taking a peaceful drive through a majestic countryside only to arrive at your destination and find your wife nailing your best friend. It's a great trip, but the ending fucking sucks.

    Naturally, throughout the ages people have come up with all kinds of harebrained schemes to avoid that dreaded hangover. One of the more timeless techniques is popping an aspirin or two prior to drinking. Sort of makes sense, in theory.

    The Truth:

    First of all, what kind of magical fucking aspirin are you taking that has the tenacity to still be fighting a headache well into the morning? It's not methamphetamine. Even if popping an aspirin before drinking did do anything to fight a hangover, its powers would have run their course well before you needed help.

    But wait, it gets worse. A study by the American Medical Association found that ingesting aspirin actually slows the rate at which your body metabolizes alcohol. Not only does that increase blood alcohol levels, but it makes the effects of the alcohol last longer. So if you feel better than usual when you wake up in the morning, it probably means you're still drunk.

    And while that may sound like a pretty awesome solution, especially if it gets you to work in time, you'll think differently when the delayed hangover hits you like a truck a few hours later. Or alternately, when you literally drive head on into a truck on the way to work because you're both drunk and hungover.

    What You Should Do Instead:

    When it comes to a hangover, dehydration is the real enemy. Try drinking eight ounces of water between drinks. It won't completely prevent a hangover, but it will make it a hell of a lot more manageable. Alternately, you could also just do what some do and drink indefinitely.

    2.Drinking Coffee Will Make You Sober

    When it comes to drinking myths, this one is a stone classic. How many movies have you seen where someone summons a cup of Coffee to quell their drunken shenanigans? Ten minutes later, the drinker in question has calmed right the fuck down and all is well. If only it was that easy.

    The Truth:

    Coffee is a stimulant. Alcohol is a depressant. The thinking here is that, in the war for control over your bodily functions, stimulants kick all sorts of depressant ass. If this theory had any legs, mixing cocaine and heroin would result in full-on excitement instead of untimely death. Coffee won't make you less drunk, but it will certainly make you a tad more alert. This is the stuff that DUIs are made of.

    What You Should Do Instead:

    Pretend you've passed out. Since you're joking, the risk of drowning in your own vomit is negligible. But your fellow drunken revelers won't know that.

    Sure, they'll write "i Like Cockz" on your forehead, but cleaning it off will be a lot cheaper than the court costs from that all but guaranteed DUI. Hey, speaking of that...

    1.You Can Beat a Breathalyzer Test

    Let's be honest here: Driving drunk is an art. And when it comes to art, some people paint masterpieces while some others wrap their Geo around innocent civilians.

    But it's not always that cut and dry. You may feel fine, you may be driving like a champ, but there is no accounting for that broken taillight. No matter how adept your driving skills may be, if you get pulled over and blow above the legal limit, you're going to jail. And rightfully so. You're an adult, skip the risk and call a cab.

    But some people choose to push the envelope based on the idea that they can outsmart a breathalyzer test if they're pulled over. The methods vary wildly, ranging everywhere from sucking on pennies that have been handled by God knows who (and may have been up someone's ass at some point), to eating your underwear (which definitely has).

    The Truth:

    Again, the heroes at Mythbusters recently tackled this subject. Guess what? Nothing fucking works. Eat all the mustard you want (it IS delicious!), hyperventilate up a storm, belch, do whatever you like. But the fact is, that machine that you're blowing is pretty much undefeatable.

    We accept in advance that someone in the comments section totally knows a guy whose cousin escaped a DUI by eating a jar of Vaseline and cramming a roll of Mentos up their ass. But who are you going to trust, a random internet commenter or the advice of a team of internet comedy writers?

    What You Should Do Instead:

    Let's put it this way: It's almost a statistical certainly that by New Year's Eve of 2009, at least one of the people reading this will be dead due to a drunk driving accident. About 15,000 people die every year that way in the US alone. The rate doubles over the holidays, and skyrockets among the young, drunken males of the type who tend to read this site. So seriously, just don't get fucking hammered and drive. We mean it.

    Stay safe and have a happy new year.

    五個殺死你的有關飲酒荒誕說法

    像生活中的其他事情一樣，醉酒也是一門學問。不幸的是，很多我們知道的關于醉酒的事情包括咱們自己當時都喝醉了。

    現(xiàn)在趁著我們大部分還清醒，讓我們來揭穿這些謊話吧！

    5“讓他睡一會就好了”

    這種說法大概是因為人們在迷醉不知身在何處的時候總是懶的動。做起來就是把喝暈了的某人扔到床上，小憩一會就會好了。

    事實上：

    把一個醉酒的伙計扔到床上置之不理可不是什么好辦法，除非你想他被自己的嘔吐物淹死�；璧购退�眠可是兩碼事。

    一個醉漢可不會咳出異物，如果他躺著開始嘔吐，嘔吐物會進入他的肺，然后他就去見馬克思了。

    正確的做法是：

    讓他們側(cè)臥，在繼續(xù)拼酒的同時，還得不時的確認他們還在呼吸。如果他們呼吸不正常或者在昏迷的時候嘔吐，那說明他們已經(jīng)酒精中毒了，趕緊找人急救吧。

    一早醒酒的時候他們會感謝你在他們需要的時候你負責的照顧他們，至少在他們看見你在他們臉上、胳膊上畫的納粹十字和陽具之前。

    4 喝酒保暖

    酒精能讓你感覺自己聰明而實際上更笨了。常泡酒吧的人都知道這一點。但你可能不知道的是，它一樣能擾亂你對寒冷的感知力，它就是這么個玩意。

    善良的圣伯納靠一口溫暖的白蘭地在雪峰中救出無數(shù)登山者，這樣的橋段在50年代的卡通中出現(xiàn)了無數(shù)次。

    然而你知道嗎？如果你身邊有酒的話喝一口（我們假設讀者都有酒），你感到更暖和了，對吧？但是就像你今天帶回家的女伴這么也不像昨天那么火辣了一樣，你的體溫也沒有那么高了。

    事實上：

    酒精讓人覺得溫暖和身體發(fā)紅是因為它讓血管擴張讓血液更靠近皮膚，這讓人感覺更暖和。

    糟糕的是，當熱量從你皮膚表面而不是保存在你體內(nèi)的時候，你就流失了寶貴的身體熱量�！侗僦{者》最經(jīng)也接受了這種理論（你要是不信的話可以去查）。

    所以在深冬時候，在你未取暖的冰房子子里大喝伏特加看起來是個好辦法，你的皮膚和俄羅斯歷史帶你如迷途。

    正確做法：

    如果你發(fā)現(xiàn)你自和三五好友被困在山頂，而手邊只有酒，你最好忽視酒精和同伴互相用體溫取暖吧，這樣被人發(fā)現(xiàn)后也不過被看做同性戀而已。

    如果一只圣伯納真的帶著白蘭地出現(xiàn)了，那把酒給它灌下去之后把它蓋在自己的身上。

    3 喝酒前吃一片阿司匹林能防止宿醉

    喝酒喝到第二天會宿醉的程度就像在寧靜的鄉(xiāng)村公路上開車，到地方卻發(fā)現(xiàn)你妻子和你最好的朋友通奸，旅程很美妙，結(jié)果卻MLGBD很糟糕。

    為了避免宿醉，人們自然的想出各種各樣輕率的辦法來。其中一個比較悠久的辦法就是在喝酒前吃一兩片阿司匹林，在理論上這個辦法有點意義。

    事實上：

    首先，無論什么樣的阿司匹林，其藥性都不會堅持一個晚上。它可不是甲基苯丙胺。就算阿司匹林會起什么作用，在你需要幫助之前也已經(jīng)耗光藥力了。

    還不止這個。一項美國醫(yī)藥聯(lián)盟的調(diào)查顯示，攝取阿司匹林實際上減慢了人體代謝酒精的速度。這樣的話就不止提高了血液中酒精的含量，也使酒精的作用更加的持久。所以如果你發(fā)現(xiàn)這次宿醉沒有以前難受，那你很可能還醉著呢。

    如果這個辦法能讓你準時上班，那還不錯�？裳舆t了幾個小時的宿醉會像一個卡車撞在你身上，或者真的在上班的路上被卡車撞上，因為你即醉又宿醉。

    應該做的是：

    宿醉時，脫水是大敵。所以在喝酒的時候喝8盎司的水感覺會好點，雖然不能完全逃掉宿醉，至少沒那么難受。當然了你也可以喝無數(shù)的水。

    2 咖啡能讓你清醒。

    談到醉酒謊言，這條可是太經(jīng)典了。多少次我們在電影里看到一個人用咖啡來醒酒提神？十分鐘后醉酒的就完全好了。如果真的那么容易就好了。

    事實上：

    咖啡是刺激物，酒精是鎮(zhèn)靜劑。想法是這樣的，在奪取身體控制權(quán)的戰(zhàn)爭中，刺激物全面戰(zhàn)勝了了鎮(zhèn)靜劑。如果這種理論真的行得通的話，那么可卡因和海洛因的混合物只會讓人興奮而不是置人于死地了。這個是藥物利用指數(shù)的問題。

    應該做的是：

    裝醉。因為是裝的，所以不會被自己的嘔吐物嗆死。但是其他狂飲者是不會知道的。

    當然了，他們會在你的腦袋上寫“我就是個J8”,但洗掉這個肯定比解釋有保證藥物利用指數(shù)的訴訟費用要便宜多了，嘿，談到這個。。。

    1 你能騙過酒精呼吸測試

    老實說：醉酒駕駛是藝術(shù)。談到藝術(shù)，有些人畫出來的是杰作，而有些人確把線條畫到無辜者的身上。

    不過有時候確實不那么明確。你可能感覺很好，你可能開的很好，但還是弄壞了尾燈。不管你的技術(shù)多么的嫻熟，如果你被道邊喊停然后發(fā)現(xiàn)呼吸酒精含量超限，你就得進監(jiān)獄。所以嘛，作為一個成年人，別冒險了，打車吧！

    但是總有一些人要以身試法，總以為自己能逃過呼吸分析器。采取的辦法也是五花八門，甚至包括舔含陰部（神知道誰這么干過），或者吃掉自己的內(nèi)褲（肯定有人這么干過）。

    事實上：

    又一次，《辟謠者》的英雄們確定了這個問題。猜猜看，怎么樣？ 什么都不管用。吃芥末、淋雨、打嗝，不管你這么折騰，事實上那個你吹的機器簡直就是不敗的。

    咱們預先承認評論部分知道一個家伙的表弟通過吃一罐凡士林和在屁股里塞上一堆曼妥思逃過了藥品檢查，不過你會相信誰呢？一個網(wǎng)絡上隨意的評論者，還是一隊網(wǎng)絡喜劇作家？

    應該做的是：

    這么說吧： 在2009年新年夜之前，在統(tǒng)計學上幾乎是肯定的閱讀這篇文章的人至少因為醉酒駕車死掉1個。光美國每年就因此死掉15,000人。在節(jié)假日期間死亡率翻倍，而在愿意閱讀這個網(wǎng)址的年輕的醉酒男性就更高了。所以真滴，別TMD喝高了開車。

    希望你安全，順祝新年快樂！