We can’t articulate it, but we know a charming person when we see one. It’s that person at the party who seems to know everybody. He works the crowd with such ease and has a positive aura about him, and everybody just seems drawn to him like steel to a magnet. He leaves people thinking “What a great guy!” and seems to have it all together.

I would be a fool if I wrote an article on how to be charming if I wasn’t charming to begin with. I don’t mean to say I’m the most charming man on the face of the earth, but I do have my moments. I’ve reflected back on those moments, studied other charismatic people, read books on the subject, and asked other charismatic people to share their insights on this elusive trait. You know what I learned? Charisma is not genetic. It can be learned. On to the 8 tips.

1. Get your own life in order first.

When everything is going right in your life, the world is your oyster. You’re in the zone, you’re on top of the world, you feel invincible, like everything has fallen into place just for you. You don’t have a single worry in the world and you feel like singing and dancing in the rain. With this kind of mental state, it’s a double edged sword. It can lead you to become the most charismatic person in the world, or the most obnoxious and boastful person in the world (more on how to not be the latter later on in this article).

You cannot fake charisma if you have problems going on in your life, whether it’s trouble paying the bills, family issues, relationship problems, etc. That stuff will weigh you down.

Get your life in order. Pay the bills, save some money in the bank, forgive other people, don’t hold grudges, be courteous to all, resolve any issues you have with people, have a passion in life, have a dream you’re working on, eat right, exercise, etc. You will find that getting your act together will make it extremely easy for you to be charismatic, because then you can do the other half of what charismatic people do, and that is focus on the other person.

2. Exercise

Exercise before attending any event or gathering (and please shower afterwards :) ). It’ll give you the energy you need to emanate your glowing charm throughout the room. It’ll get you in the right mindset of a being a happy positive person because of the endorphins circulating in your body. It’ll give you that confidence to start socializing. You’ll be on your game. Everything will flow just right because you feel like a million bucks.

3. Wear the clothes

You know what clothes I’m talking about. Everybody’s got an outfit that makes them feel like a million bucks. We all know that clothes make you feel good. If you feel good, it’ll be really easy to make others feel good. And the less worried you are about your appearance, the more you can focus on the other person. The more content you are with yourself (aka self confident), the more easier it will be to turn on the charm.

4. Pre-socialize

I don’t know why it is, but if I have socialized prior to attending a gathering or event, I find it way easier to turn on the charm. What I mean by pre-socializing is just striking up conversations with any person you meet on the way to the event; the store clerk, the people on the elevator, the security guard, etc. Just some light conversation. Nothing heavy. How are you? Busy day today eh? I like your jacket. Do you mind me asking where you got it? I think pre-socializing gets you into the groove of easily being able to talk to any person, one of the key skills in becoming charming.

When you get to the event:

5. Pretend you’re the host and talk to EVERYBODY

This is a very cool paradigm to try out. Instead of standing in the corner, sipping your drink and hoping somebody will come talk to you, take the initiative and start talking with EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE. You can do this if you pretend to be the host of the event. Start by looking out for people who are trying to act cool, but are desperately wishing that someone would go talk to them. You know exactly who they are. Rescue them from their worries and you’ll see their face light up and thank you for approaching them. Work the crowd, ask how everyone’s doing. They will all light up and respond favorably. Get to know people and introduce people to other people. Most people don’t have the guts to approach strangers, so when you do it for them, they’ll be extremely grateful.

Don’t discriminate based on social groups. People are all the same. Talk to the skater, the artist, the economist, the stock broker, the lawyer, the doctor, the entrepreneur, the bartender, the guy standing in the corner, the waiter, everybody. Talk to everyone and make them feel welcome. You just need to get the ball rolling. Once you start talking to one stranger and get in the rhythm, you’ll be an unstoppable social butterfly.

6. You, not I.

Charming people focus on the other person. Rarely are they themselves the topic of discussion. When you’re out there schmoozing, listen to people when they talk to you and give them feedback to indicate that you are listening and that you understand. Be genuinely interested in the other person. Ask all about them. Always think of how you can help them. Send business their way. Hook them up with other people at the party you think they might get along well with.

7. Make them feel good.

Give people genuine compliments. Everybody needs compliments like food and water because everybody’s self esteem can always use a little boost. Don’t go for the cliché compliments like everyone else. Remember, you’re the charismatic one. You’ve got to step it up a notch. Think of a genuine killer compliment.

Also, don’t forget to use the power of touch. A hormone called oxytocin is secreted when you touch someone and studies have shown that promotes bond and trust between people. Oxytocin is also a feel good hormone so when they get hit with it, they associate that good feeling with you as well. Obviously, use your better judgment here. Don’t go up and start molesting people. Be tactful with your touch. You will find that women are the masters of this. They will lightly tap your forearm when making a point or playfully hit your shoulder when engaged in conversation with you.

People tend to remember conversations with people who use the power of touch. I remember going to one event and being charmed off the socks with this one guy. He had it going. He was working the crowd, he saw me, introduced himself, and started to ask all sorts of questions about me. I, in turn, shamelessly succumbed to his charm and divulged a lot of information and we both had good laughs. You know why I remember him out of all the other people I interacted with that day? It’s because he squeezed my arm when he shook my hand. No joke. That’s how I remembered him. As the charming guy who squeezed my arm. Touch is a very powerful thing. Use it wisely.

8. Be positive.

Smile. Charming people are known for making people feel way better after interacting with them. They have a light feathery touch to them that brings smiles and good feelings to everybody they come in contact with.

Talk about positive things. Avoid negative things. You’ll always run into people who turn a good conversation into a bad one by bringing up some negativity. If that happens, try to tactfully point out the positive aspects of the situation. If that fails, excuse yourself from the group and move on. There’s no need to be part of the down group.

Get your stuff together, exercise, put on those nice clothes, get in the habit of socializing with everyone, talk with everyone, really listen and keep the focus on them, make them feel good, only associate yourself with positive things and people, and you’ll find yourself being that one person who’s always lighting up the room.

雖無法言傳，但我們能一眼看出魅力十足的人：他在聚會上似乎萬人熟；他在人群中游刃有余， 頂著光環(huán)，眾人像鐵之于磁石那樣地被他吸引；他讓人們覺得“多棒的家伙！”；似乎他擁有這一切特質(zhì)。

要是我沒有魅力卻寫一篇關(guān)于如何變得富有魅力的文章，這豈不荒唐！我并不是說我是世界上最有魅力的男人，但我確有魅力四射的時候。我回味那些時刻，研究其他富有魅力的人，讀這方面的書籍，向其他擁有魅力的人請教。你知道我學(xué)到了什么嗎？魅力不是天生的，而是可以學(xué)會的。這里有八個竅門。

1. 先將生活納入正規(guī)

如果你的生活事事如意，你就可以隨心所欲、盡得其樂。你得其所哉，你站在世界之巔，你無可匹敵，仿佛所有花兒都為你開放。在世間你沒有一絲煩惱，你想要在雨中縱歌起舞。這種境界是把雙刃劍，它能使你成為世上最有魅力的人，也能把你變成人間最無聊自負(fù)的人（后文將著重探討如何避免這第二種情形）。

如果你的生活存在問題，你就無法裝出擁有魅力的樣子——無論你是無法付賬，還是家庭瑣事，或是關(guān)系問題等等，這些都會壓得你挺不起腰。

讓你生活走向正軌。付清賬單、把錢存進(jìn)銀行、原諒他人、勿懷嫉妒、對所有人都彬彬有禮、解決掉人際關(guān)系中的所有問題、擁有生活的激情、擁有夢想并去追求、合理飲食、鍛煉體魄等等。你會發(fā)現(xiàn)當(dāng)你身體力行這些之后，擁有魅力真是小菜一碟，因?yàn)榻酉聛砟隳苋プ銎渌�有魅力的人所做的另一半事�?mdash;—那就是關(guān)注他人。

2. 運(yùn)動

參加任何活動或聚會前，先運(yùn)動一下（然后請洗下澡:) ）。這會賜予你所需的能量，讓你魅力四射。這也將讓你處于快樂積極的精神狀態(tài)中，因?yàn)閮?nèi)啡肽正在你的體內(nèi)徘徊。這還會給你自信去開始社交活動。你將會發(fā)揮良好，諸事順利，因?yàn)槟愀杏X你像個大款。

3. 著裝

你知道我要說的是什么樣的衣服。人人都擁有一套服裝，穿上去覺得自己就像大款。我們都知衣飾能讓你自我感覺良好。如果你自我感覺良好，那就容易讓他人感覺良好。而且你對自己外形的擔(dān)憂越少，就越能把注意力放在別人身上。你對你自己越滿意（亦稱自信），就越容易施展魅力。

4. 預(yù)交際

我不知道為什么要這樣，但如果我在參加聚會或活動之前先交際一下，我就能更容易地找到辦法來施展魅力。我說預(yù)交際的意思就是在你去參加活動的途中先隨便找個什么人交談一下，如店員、電梯里的人、保安等等。就只是一些輕松的對話。不要是沉重話題。你怎么樣？今天很忙，是嗎？我喜歡你的外套�？梢詥栆幌履阍谀膬嘿I的嗎？ 我認(rèn)為預(yù)交際讓你處于一種可以和任何人交談的最佳狀態(tài)，這是展現(xiàn)魅力的不二法門之一。

當(dāng)你到達(dá)某次活動時：

5. 裝作主人的樣子跟所有人交談

這是個很酷的套路，值得一試。不要縮在角落里，啜著飲料，守株待兔地等人說話。要反客為主，開始和所有人談話，我是說和所有人。如果你裝著自己就是這次活動的主人，你就能做到這一點(diǎn)。開始四周環(huán)顧，去找那些努力裝得很酷、但卻很想別人能找其交談的人。你知道他們是正什么樣的人。把他們從窘境中解脫出來，你就會看到他們的臉上變得神采奕奕，他們很感激你能接近他們。在人群中四處活動，向每個人問長問短。他們都會變得神采奕奕的，而且會友好地回應(yīng)你。去認(rèn)識人，然后把這些人介紹給那些人。大多數(shù)人沒有勇氣接觸生人，因此當(dāng)你為他們做這些后，他們會非常感激的。

不要根據(jù)社會圈子做出區(qū)別對待。所有人都是等同的。溜冰健將、藝術(shù)家、經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)家、 股票經(jīng)紀(jì)人、律師、醫(yī)生、企業(yè)家、站在角落里的家伙、服務(wù)生以及所有人，都同他們交談。和所有人說話，并讓他們感到賓至如歸。你需要做的只是讓事情開始運(yùn)作起來。一旦你開始和生人說話，并能侃侃而談，你就會成為一只永不停歇的社交蝴蝶。

6. 是你，而非我

有魅力的人會關(guān)注他人。他們自己很少是討論的話題。若你在那兒看他們閑談，當(dāng)他們對你說話時，你要仔細(xì)聽，并作出回應(yīng)以表明你在正在聽而且明白他們的意思。要真誠地對他人感興趣。問有關(guān)他們的所有事情�？偸窍胫�怎樣才能幫他們。按照他們的方式行事。為他們和聚會上你認(rèn)為合得來的其他人進(jìn)行牽線搭橋。

7. 讓他們得意

真誠地去恭維別人。恭維如同水和食物，每個人都需要，因?yàn)槊總�人的自尊總能獲得些許提高。不要向其他人那樣使用些陳詞濫調(diào)。要記住，你是個富有魅力的人。你必要要高人一等。要想出一個真正的有殺傷力的奉承話。

還有，別忘了觸摸的力量。當(dāng)你觸摸某人時，身體會分泌出一種叫做催產(chǎn)素的荷爾蒙，研究顯示這會增進(jìn)人們之間的親和與信任。催產(chǎn)素也是一種能產(chǎn)生好感的荷爾蒙，所以當(dāng)別人分泌出催產(chǎn)素時，就會對你產(chǎn)生好感。顯然，對此你要做出更好的判斷，不要去騷擾別人，在觸摸時要機(jī)智老練一些。你會發(fā)現(xiàn)女人們精于此道，當(dāng)他們表明看法時會輕拍你的前臂，或者當(dāng)他們在與你交談時會開玩笑似的擊一下你的肩膀。

人們往往會記住那些觸摸過他們的人的談話。我記得有一次去參加某個活動，就徹頭徹尾被這樣的一個家伙給征服得了。一切盡在他的掌握之中。他在人群中活動，看到我，就進(jìn)行自我介紹，然后就問有關(guān)我的各種各樣的問題。而反過來，我卻被他的魅力所折服，扭捏不堪地傾倒出我的很多事情，我們都很暢快地笑著。在那天我同很多人接觸，但你知道為什么我卻唯獨(dú)記得他？這是因?yàn)楫?dāng)他同我握手時，他捏住我的手臂。不是說笑。這就是我是如何記住他的——那個捏我手臂的魅力男。觸摸很好很強(qiáng)大，要活學(xué)活用。

8. 正面積極

要笑。讓別人在與你交流之后感覺舒暢很多，這正是富有魅力的人的看家本事。他們還有一種輕如羽翼的質(zhì)感，那就是將微笑和良好感覺帶給同他們接觸過的所有人。

談?wù)摲e極的事物。要避免消極的東西。你總會遇到這樣一些人：他們在交談時帶入一些消極因素，從而把一次愉快的談話變得尷尬不歡。如果碰到這種情況，試著巧妙地指出事情的積極方面。要是無法挽回，那就借故告退，另尋他處，因?yàn)闆]必要成為這低級談話圈的一部分。

綜合運(yùn)用上述技巧：運(yùn)動、優(yōu)雅著裝、養(yǎng)成習(xí)慣與所有人交際、和所有人說話、真正地傾聽并關(guān)注他們、讓他們感覺良好、只在自己和積極的事物和人聯(lián)系在一起。這樣你就會發(fā)現(xiàn)自己正在成為那個總是讓廳堂熠熠生輝的人。