We have all launched ourselves on the road to happiness. We are obsessed with the pursuit of it, but all too often, we become discouraged. We struggle and bumble our way along, but somehow happiness continues to elude us.
Part of the problem is that the term, happiness, is kind of vague. We set off on our search for it before we know what it is or how to obtain it. Many of us have created a monster with our relentless pursuit of happiness. We’ve chosen this broad and mighty goal “HAPPINESS” and then we set about trying to achieve it by eliminating all of the negative aspects of our lives, identifying our one true passion, divining our life’s purpose and setting out to achieve our life’s dreams…all before lunch. Then we wonder why it isn’t working.
And yet, it is true that the pursuit of happiness is worth the effort. Research has shown that positive emotions have not just the benefit of momentary pleasure, but of long-term well-being also. Positive emotions bring us pleasure, counteract the damaging effects of negative emotions, build resilience and promote long-term physical and emotional health. (See my prior post on The Power of Positive Emotions) We don’t want to give up on happiness, but we do need to find an easier way.
As we all know, when we have a big goal, it helps to break it down into smaller pieces. If we think of happiness as an overarching emotional state that is created by the presence of other, positive emotions, the process of achieving happiness becomes less daunting.
Joy, contentedness, love, interest, and satisfaction are some of the positive emotions that lead us to feel happy. The more we experience these positive emotions, the happier we’ll be.
Easy so far, right? But how do we cultivate positive emotions? That’s easy too, if you’re willing to let it be.
When we engage in activities or spend time with people (or animals) that we like, we tend to feel positive emotions. You might experience joy when you tickle your baby and make him smile, or feel interest when you read the editorial section of the paper or feel content when you snuggle up with your husband to watch a movie. There are many things in our lives that generate positive emotions. Simply put, the more time you spend engaged in activities that induce positive emotion, the more positive emotion you will feel and the more likely you will be to achieve an overall sense of happiness.
To get you started I’ve included a very generic list of ideas for ways that you can invite more positive emotion into your life. You will, of course, put your own, personal spin on these and identify the specific people or activities that will bring about positive emotion in you. These are just ideas to get you started thinking:
Exercise.
Okay, no groaning now. Exercise, beyond making you more fit, also brings about the release of endorphins. This is a “feel good” chemical that is produced in your body. Now come on, who doesn’t want to feel good? You might like lifting weights or running or prefer to join a local basketball league. Any moderately strenuous physical activity counts.
Spend Time With Others.
Time spent with people (not just any people, but upbeat, positive people) can bring about feelings of joy, love, interest etc. Go out with your friends, visit with family, chat with the mailman. Don’t feel like talking? Just smile at people once in a while…when they smile back, which they will do most of the time, see if it doesn’t make you feel good.
Don’t forget your animal friends either. Playing with the dog, watching the birds or rabbits in the back yard or even chatting with your son’s pet hamster can make you feel more content or even make you laugh. (Yes, I do talk to my son’s hamster and my daughter’s as well…is that a problem?)
Quiet Your Mind.
Formal meditation, prayer or even just sitting with your eyes closed for a few minutes can bring about relaxation and a sense of inner peace.
Spend Time in Nature.
I’ve written ad nauseum about the benefits of time spent in nature over at BetweenUsGirls. Suffice it to say that nature, whether a hike in the woods or simply gazing at the river from your office window, can bring about relaxation, feelings of connectedness, and even spark creativity. While there is much research to prove that time in or near nature has a positive impact on mood, I am sure that you don’t need proof. It isn’t often that I run across a person who hasn’t experienced the soothing effects of nature for his- or herself.
Express Yourself.
Creative expression of any kind (art, crafts, cooking, decorating, writing) can bring along a great deal of positive emotion. Your work doesn’t have to be good…you just have to enjoy doing it.
Have Fun.
This might mean making more time for your hobbies, taking up a new hobby, spending more time with friends or quick-and-easy activities like seeing a movie, going to a concert or texting back and forth with someone who always makes you laugh. Anything that engages your interest or makes you laugh or smile.
Volunteer Work.
Quite often, doing things that help others, brings feelings of joy and accomplishment. Making someone else feel good often makes us feel just as good.
Now, there you go. Seven very good general ideas that can be made into a multitude of specific ones for generating positive emotion. I’m sure that now that you’re thinking, you’ll come up with some other original ideas. If you do, share them with us…please!
The older I get, the more that I realize that it really is the little things that make us happy. Becoming a happier person doesn’t have to be hard work. Remember, one step at a time. Have lunch with a friend, take a walk in the woods, play with the dog, see a funny movie. Every time you engage in an activity that peaks your interest, makes you smile or gets your endorphins flowing, it’s like money in the bank. A little laugh here, a loving hug there and before you know it you’ve become the happy person you’ve always wanted to be without hardly trying.
我們都在尋找幸福。我們沉迷于追逐幸福,但是有太多的時候我們會變得氣餒。 我們獨自努力摸索著,但是不知道怎么了幸福還是在躲避著我們。
這個問題的一部分在于“幸福” 這個詞,某種程度上是不明確的。我們在知道幸福是什么和如何獲得幸福以前就開始了我們對幸福的追尋。我們中的很多人把對幸福的追尋看作很大的麻煩。我們選擇了這個廣義的和很強大的目標“幸福”然后我們通過消除生活中否定的東西,找到真正的愛好,推測生活的目的和實現(xiàn)夢想等方式來達到幸福……全部都在午餐之前。然后我們開始疑惑為什么這沒有用。
然而,對于幸福的追隨是值得我們努力的。有研究顯示積極的感情不僅僅給我們帶來一瞬間的滿足,還有長期的幸福。 積極的感情給我們快樂,抵消了消極情感的壞影響,建立愉快的心情和促進長期的身心健康。 (見我早期的帖子積極情感的力量) 我們并不放棄幸福,但是我們真的需要找一個更簡單的方法。
就像我們都知道的那樣,當我們有大的目標時,把它分成小塊會比較有用。如果我們認為幸福是一種由他人的出現(xiàn),積極的情感組成的總體的情感狀態(tài),達到幸福的過程會變得不那么讓人望而生畏。
高興,知足,愛情,興趣和滿意是積極情感中的幾種他們會使我們感到快樂。我們越多的經(jīng)歷這些情感就越快樂。
到現(xiàn)在為止都很簡單,對不對?但是我們該如何培養(yǎng)積極的情感呢?如果你想讓它那樣的話,也是很簡單的。
當我們和自己喜歡的人(或動物)一起做某事或度過一段時間的時候,我們趨向于有積極的情感。你也許會在逗樂你的寶寶讓他微笑的時候感到高興,對報紙上的社論文章產(chǎn)生興趣,或是在依偎在愛人身邊觀賞電影時感到無比的滿足。在我們的生活中,有很多事物可以帶來積極的情感。簡單來說,在可能帶來積極情緒的活動上投入越多的時間,我們就可以產(chǎn)生越多的積極的情緒,也就更有可能演繹出幸福的真諦。
為了使你啟程,我列了一張非常詳細的清單,包括了許多可以讓你在生活中找到積極情緒的方法。當然,你可以在它們中間加入你自己的見解,或者與一些可以帶給你積極情緒的人或是活動建立聯(lián)系。這些都只是想法,不過是為了使你開始思考。
運動
好了,先不要抱怨。運動除了讓你更加健康之外,還可以帶來內(nèi)啡肽的釋放。這是一種在你身體里產(chǎn)生的、可以使你“感覺很不錯”的化學物質(zhì),F(xiàn)在就運動吧,有誰會不想感覺良好呢?你可能會喜歡舉重,或是長跑,或是更加偏愛參加籃球隊。任何適度的體育活動都是有意義的。
與他人一起消磨時光
與他人一起消磨時光(不是任何人,而是那些積極樂觀的人們。)可以帶來愉悅、愛、興趣等情感。與朋友一同出游;和家人一同旅行;與郵差先生閑聊……不喜歡談話?只要時不時的對人們微笑就好了……當他們也向你微笑的時候——大多數(shù)時候他們都會這樣做——看看這樣是否可以使你感覺不錯。
同時,不要忘記你的動物朋友。與小狗一同玩耍,在后院照料鳥兒或是小兔子,甚至與你兒子的寵物倉鼠交談,這些都可以使你感到愈發(fā)的滿足以至于笑出聲來。(是的,我真的有同我兒子的倉鼠交談,還有我女兒的……這有什么問題嗎?)
冷靜你的頭腦
正式的默想,祈禱或者只是坐在那里閉目沉思幾分鐘都可以帶來放松以及內(nèi)心的平和。
身處自然
我曾經(jīng)在 BetweenUsGirls上發(fā)表過一篇關(guān)于身處自然的益處的文案。進一步說,身處自然,無論是一次樹林中的遠足,還是簡簡單單的從你的辦公室窗戶里凝視一條河流,都可以帶來輕送、滿足的感覺,甚至可以激發(fā)創(chuàng)作的火花。有很多研究可以證明與自然共度的時光可以對人的情緒產(chǎn)生積極的作用,我可以肯定對于這一點你不需要更多的證據(jù)了。我很少遇見這樣的人,自然的撫慰作用在他身上沒有成效。
展現(xiàn)自我
任意一種創(chuàng)造性表達(藝術(shù),手工藝,廚藝,裝飾,寫作)都可以帶來許多積極的情緒。你的作品可能不一定是成功的……你只是喜歡創(chuàng)作他們。
過得快樂
這一條可能意味著你要投入更多的時間在你的愛好上,同時發(fā)現(xiàn)新的愛好,或是花費更多時間與你的朋友在一起,做一些“方便快捷”的活動。像是看一場電影,出席一場音樂會,與一個總是逗你發(fā)笑的人來回的發(fā)短信 。你可以做任何事,只要他們可以引發(fā)你的興趣,或是能讓你大笑或微笑。
志愿工作
經(jīng)常性的做一些幫助他人的事,可以帶來愉悅的感覺,并且從中獲得社交的技藝。送人玫瑰,手有余香。
現(xiàn)在你都了解了,有七種很好的、很全面的見解可以作為尋找樂觀情緒的準則。我敢說你現(xiàn)在一定在思考了,然后你會提出一些新穎的觀點。如果你真的這樣做了,與我們分享他們吧……拜托!
度過的歲月越多,我就越發(fā)的領(lǐng)略到,真的存在一些很微小的事物,可以使我們快樂。成為一個更加幸福的人并不是一項很繁重的工作。要記住,每次邁出一步就夠了。與朋友共進午餐,在叢林間漫步,與小狗玩耍,看一場戲劇電影。每一次你從事一項活動(它或者可以激發(fā)你的興趣使你微笑,或者可以是你的內(nèi)啡肽運動),就像是把錢存進銀行一樣,你也可以存儲樂觀的情緒。像是一個小小的微笑,或是一個輕輕的擁抱。在你知道這一切之前,你總是想成為一個幸福的人,卻又不喜歡努力嘗試。但現(xiàn)在,你已經(jīng)開始走在幸福的路上了。