Three passions,simple but overwhelmingly1) strong,have governed my life:the longing for love,the search for knowledge,and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.These passions,like great winds,have blown me hither and thither2),in a way-ward course,over a deep ocean of anguish,reaching to the very verge of despair.
I have sought love,first,because it brings ecstasy3)——ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy.I have sought it,next,because it relieves loneliness——that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss4)。I have sought it,finally,because in the union of love I have seen,in a mystic miniature5),the prefiguring6) vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined.This is what I sought,and though it might seem too good for human life,this is what——at last——I have found.
With equal passion I have sought know ledge.I have wished to understand the hearts of men.I have wished to know why the stars shine.And I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean7) power by which number holds sway above the flux.A little of this,but not much,I have achieved.
Love and knowledge,so far as they were possible,led upward the heavens.But always pity brought me back to earth.Echoes of cries of pain reverberate8) in my heart.Children in famine,victims tortured by oppressors,helpless old people a hated burden to their sons,and the whole of loneliness,poverty,and pain make a mockery9) of what human life should be.I long to alleviate the evil,and I too suffer.
This has been my life.I have found it worth living,and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me.
(From Russell' s Views on Life)
三種單純?nèi)欢鴺O其強(qiáng)烈的激情支配著我的一生,那就是對(duì)于愛(ài)情的渴望,對(duì)于知識(shí)的追求,以及對(duì)于人類苦難痛徹肺腑的憐憫。這些激情猶如狂風(fēng),把我在伸展到絕望邊緣的深深的苦海上東拋西擲,使我的生活沒(méi)有定向。
我追求愛(ài)情,首先因?yàn)樗形忆N魂,愛(ài)情令人銷魂的魅力使我常常樂(lè)意為了幾小時(shí)這樣的快樂(lè)而犧牲生活中其他的一切。我追求愛(ài)情,又因?yàn)樗軠p輕孤獨(dú)感——那種一個(gè)顫抖的靈魂望著世界邊緣之外冰冷而無(wú)生命的無(wú)底深淵時(shí)所感到的可怕的孤獨(dú)。我追求愛(ài)情,還因?yàn)閻?ài)的結(jié)合使我在一種神秘的縮影中提前看到了圣者和詩(shī)人曾經(jīng)想像過(guò)的天堂。這就是我所追求的,盡管人的生活似乎還不配享有它,但它畢竟是我終于找到的東西。
我以同樣的激情追求知識(shí)。我想理解人類的心靈。我想了解星辰為何燦爛。我還試圖弄懂畢達(dá)哥拉斯學(xué)說(shuō),它認(rèn)為數(shù)是高居于感性流變之上的永恒力量。我在這方面略有成就,但不多。
愛(ài)情和知識(shí)只要存在,總是向上導(dǎo)往天堂。但是,憐憫又總是把我?guī)Щ厝碎g。痛苦的呼喊在我心中反響、回蕩。孩子們受饑荒煎熬,無(wú)辜者被壓迫者折磨,孤弱無(wú)助的老人在自己的兒子眼中變成可惡的累贅,以及世上觸目皆是的孤獨(dú)、貧困和痛苦——這些都是對(duì)人類應(yīng)該過(guò)的生活的嘲弄。我渴望能減少罪惡,可我做不到,于是我也感到痛苦。
這就是我的一生。我覺(jué)得這一生是值得活的。如果可能再給我一次機(jī)會(huì),我將欣然重活一次。
1. overwhelmingly adv. 壓倒性地, 不可抵抗地
2. hither and thither thither 向這邊,向那邊
3. ecstasy n. 入迷
4. abyss n. 深淵
5. miniature n. 縮圖, 縮影
6. prefigure v. 預(yù)示
7. Pythagorean adj. 畢達(dá)哥拉斯的
8. reverberate v. 反響
9. mockery n. 嘲笑